Not Quite Themselves
by Kris6
Summary: Santana's actually drinking her slushy and Brittany's threatening their classmates? The Glee Girls  and Kurt  investigate. Complete.
1. What the Hell?

**Not Quite Themselves**

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Spoilers**: General Season 2; slightly AU post- _Silly Love Songs_ with Quinn, Brittany and Santana still on the Cheerios; Santana and Sam are _**not**_ together

**Summary**: Santana's actually drinking her slushy and Brittany's threatening their classmates? The Glee Girls (and Kurt) investigate.

**Warnings**: Language, out-of-character by its very nature, general zaniness

**A/N**: For those of you reading _Within You Without You_, there was a minor mishap where I accidentally deleted the majority of the next chapter and am in the process of rewriting it. It's almost done, expect the next chapter by mid-week.

**A/N2**: This is the first part of a three part story. More info in the end notes.

**A/N3**: Italics after line breaks are flashbacks, in case it isn't obvious in context.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One: What the Hell?<strong>

**Monday**

The sight of the chronically bitchy Latina Cheerio entering the building with a blue slushy in hand is more than enough to send the majority of the student body into a full-scale panic. She casually walks down the hall towards her locker, her blonde companion a couple of steps behind her with her arms crossed and eyeing the straggling students warily.

Spotting a couple of their fellow glee club members lingering in the hall, they redirect their route to go over to them. Rachel turns when she notices Kurt and Mercedes staring wide-eyed at something behind her. She almost jumps into her own locker to hide when she finds herself face-to-face with Santana, blue-raspberry slushy in hand and less than four feet away.

"S-Santana!" The diminutive diva bleats out in an awkward greeting as she tries to brace herself for the impending slushy shower.

"Come on Satan, give it a rest already," Kurt rolls his eyes challengingly, ignoring Brittany because he knows the other girl is probably too busy thinking about ducks and Skittles.

Santana raises the slushy and wraps her lips around the bendy-straw sticking out of the lid, actually drinking it for a change. Then, much to the trio's horror, the brunette giggles at them. _**Giggles**_! "Morning guys!" She chirps pleasantly with a carefree smile, her expression falters slightly when they do nothing but gape at her. Confused, she turns to the tall blonde behind her.

"Well, are you losers going to stand there like a bunch of post-lobotomy zombies or are you going to say something?" Brittany snaps, glaring at the group, earning another giggle from her counterpart followed by her slurping at the drink.

"Morning Santana!" Kurt and Mercedes immediately reply, more afraid of the uncharacteristically bitchy dancer.

"Brittany, is she okay? Should we take her to the nurse…or Miss Pillsbury?" Rachel questions, faltering slightly at the soft smile on the Latina's face.

The taller Cheerio narrows her eyes dangerously at the suggestion. "Shove it _**Berry**_! There's _**nothing**_ wrong with San," she insists, appearing thoroughly insulted that the other girl would even suggest such a thing. "Right S?" She questions her friend, her tone and expression softening significantly when she turns to the girl in question.

Santana merely smiles slightly with a straw between her lips and she rapidly shakes her shakes her head as if she was a young child, her ponytail whipping back and forth in the process. "It's nice out today," she points out. "The sky matches my slushy," she grins in amusement.

"And your mouth," Brittany can't help but smile back at the sight of the other girl's blue lips, tongue, and teeth.

"Hey B, after school can we go to the park and count clouds?" Santana wonders, sucking up the corn-syrupy blue sludge at the bottom of her cup, not bothered by the unpleasant sound the straw makes as she mostly sucks up nothing but air.

"Whatever you want S," the blonde smiles fondly. "We'll feed the ducks too while we're there," she states, earning odd stares from the others who are more used to _**Brittany**_ asking to do things and _**Santana**_ either declaring what she was going to do and/or totally caving to the other girl's requests.

"You _**love**_ ducks Britt-Britt!" Santana blurts out, her face lighting up with excitement. She holds out her pinky expectantly, practically beaming when the taller girl hooks it with her own. "Britt, I don't know where this goes," she frowns, staring at her empty cup, bewildered.

"I got it S," Brittany smiles warmly at the shorter girl before cutting her attention back to the baffled trio, her unfamiliar scowl back in place. "Deal with this Hymen," she growls at Rachel as she shoves the empty cup against her chest.

"That's not very nice Britt-Britt," Santana pouts, poking an accusing finger into her friend's ribcage, which she knows is the other girl's most ticklish spot.

"Stop 'Tana," the blonde giggles, squirming at the touch. Once she gets the other girl to stop tickling her, she shoots her best bitch-face at the three glee kids staring at them, mouths agape. Her version of 'bitch-face' is surprisingly intimidating considering that it's Brittany…the group figures that it makes sense considering she's had years of studying Santana's to be able to perfect her own.

"Come on B, we need to check to see if the locker gnomes rearranged the inside of my locker again. I hope they at least cleaned it this time," Santana mumbles the last part mostly to herself as she tugs the blonde behind her.

"Locker gnomes?" The taller girl wonders, her eyebrows shooting up.

"Yeah. You know…cousins to the underpants gnomes from that documentary we were watching a few weeks ago. Remember? You were trying to distract me by sucking on my toes 'cause you wanted us to get our mack on?" Santana prompts, hoping to jog her best friend's memory.

"San, keep it down!" Brittany hisses, eyes darting around the hall and her face burning red with embarrassment. She turns her questioning gaze to the Latina when the other girl abruptly stops, their still-joined pinkies causing her to stop along with her, sufficiently chastised by the hurt look on her face. "I remember…but that wasn't a documentary, it was an episode of _South Park_," she gently corrects her.

Santana giggles and tugs the taller girl closer, relinquishing her hold on Brittany's pinky so she can wrap both arms around the pale arm closest to her and leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder. "You weren't exactly paying attention so I know you just don't get it…but that's okay, I still love you," she smiles when Brittany doesn't pull away. "I liked it, you know," she says after a moment.

"Liked what?" Brittany asks, having a hard time concentrating on what the Latina is saying let alone on the ability to make the five remaining steps to their lockers.

"You sucking on my toes like that Silly," Santana replies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "It felt good. It tickled and was super-sexy. I was _**so**_ turned on," she practically purrs in her friend's ear, loving the effect she has on the other girl when Brittany's only able to articulate a strangled moan. "Can we do it again?" She asks hopefully as she pulls away so she's no longer whispering in her ear.

Brittany groans and shoots the other girl a dirty look at teasing her…it quickly melts away when she sees the sweet smile looking back at her. "We'll see," she mumbles, fighting back another blush as she manages to get her legs to work again, walking them over to their lockers. When the blonde open's her friend's locker, the Latina thanks her by way of a grateful peck on the cheek before inspecting the state the locker gnomes left her locker in.

Rachel, Kurt, and Mercedes stare transfixed at the scene unfolding before them, not quite believing that what they're seeing is at all real. "They're just attempting to pull some sort of juvenile prank or something…right?" The small brunette questions desperate for someone to explain the situation to her, anxiously crushing the forgotten empty slushy cup closer to her chest.

"I don't know what else it could be," Kurt replies, studying the duo carefully.

Mercedes turns back to a smiling, carefree Santana with her own unique brand of Brittany-eque non-sequiturs and an angry, scowling Brittany shooting insults and dirty looks at passing students. "Guys, I'm scared," she confesses. Her friends share a look that suggests they share a similar sentiment to that.

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

Moments after the bell rings students begin filtering into the hallway, chatting animatedly with their friends as they either head towards their lockers or go right to the cafeteria for lunch. A blonde and brunette Cheerio casually exit one classroom in particular together, the shorter of the two looking acutely perplexed.

"Hey Britt-Britt?" Santana questions the girl next to her, earning a hummed response of acknowledgement. "Did you understand that assignment?" She wonders as they approach their lockers before heading off to their usual Monday lunchtime Cheerio practice.

This gives Brittany pause as she shoots her friend a suspicious look. "What do you mean?" She asks slowly, not sure she wants to know the answer.

"Like, we had to be quiet and we couldn't use our books or anything. It was weird," the Latina replies, her nose scrunching up in confusion as she finishes.

"Santana," the blonde sighs, trying to push back her thoughts on how adorable the expression on the other girl's face is. "That wasn't just a regular assignment…that was a test," she explains carefully.

"Oh…well had I known _**that**_ I would have actually answered the questions," Santana giggles as she spins the dial on her locker, trying to see how fast she can get it to go.

"You were writing the whole class period. If you weren't actually answering the questions, what _**were**_ you doing?" Brittany blurts.

"Drawing," the dark-haired girl shrugs nonchalantly.

Brittany claps a hand down on the one the Latina is using to spin the dial of her lock so she can stop the distracting rapid _clickclickclick_ as it turns, Santana beams at the contact. "What were you drawing?"

"The usual: hearts, Pac Man, Lord Tubbington, smiley faces…us," she grins in response.

"Us?" Brittany finds herself asking, removing the girl's hand from the lock so she can open the locker for her.

"Of course. I drew us making out," is the amused reply. "I even used a highlighter to make sure you were a blonde…even though it's not the right shade," she frowns slightly at the last part, idly running her fingers through the other girl's blonde ponytail.

Closing her eyes, the dancer takes a deep breath and exhales slowly to calm herself. "Did you even put your name on the test? Mrs. Barker always gives me points for at least putting my name on it," she is hoping for at least _**something**_ she can use as an upside to this.

"Yeah…Well, kinda," Santana grins moments before it falters slightly and she reconsiders her answer. "I didn't know she was going to take it up, so I just put whatever I felt like on it," she explains while putting books back and taking others out.

"And what did you _**feel like**_ putting on it?" Brittany prompts her to continue.

"'Santana Pierce' or 'Santana Lopez-Pierce' or 'Santana Pierce-Lopez'," Santana says without the least bit of embarrassment or self-consciousness. "Which one do _**you**_ think sounds better?" She wonders as she casts a look at the girl next to her.

"Um…I'll talk to Mrs. Barker later to get her to let you retake the test," Brittany avoids the question, her face turning an interesting shade of pink.

"Hey Britt, Santana," someone greets the pair from behind Brittany, his voice turning cold on the Latina's name.

"Hi Artie!" Santana grins enthusiastically. "Are those new gloves?" She questions, cocking her head to the side as she looks at his hands gripping tightly onto his wheels. "I like them," she concludes thoughtfully without waiting for a reply.

"Yeah. They…uh…" the other boy stammers, caught off guard by the dark-haired girl's behavior.

"Did you want something Nerdlinger?" Brittany questions harshly as she crosses her arms impatiently across her chest. After a moment too long of silence, she rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Listen, I don't really think we're on the same page so we're done now, okay?" She asks rhetorically as she officially ends their relationship with a fake, upbeat grin on the last word.

"I…um…what?" Artie finds himself at a loss once again, looking between both girls in confusion.

"Look Robo-dork, 'Tana and I have more important things to do than stand around while you try and reboot your hard drive or whatever," the blonde waves him off with a glare before turning on her heel and slamming her locker shut.

Santana giggles at the look on her friend's face as she shuts her own locker. "Sorry Artie. See you later in Glee," she offers sincerely with a polite smile before offering the irritated blonde her pinky, which she gladly accepts before the pair makes their way to Cheerios practice.

A baffled Artie stares off at the duo wondering if that whole thing really just happened. He notices Rachel, Puck, Finn, Mike and Tina down the hall watching him and, seeing that they've been spotted, the group migrates down the hall.

"You saw that, right?" The wheelchair-bound boy questions incredulously and the others just nod slowly. "What the hell is going on?" He wonders, quickly reaching his breaking point.

"Damned if I know," Puck shrugs. "Rachel was just telling us and I didn't believe her myself until I just saw B dump you like yesterday's kitty litter," he adds casually.

"Kurt, Mercedes and I witnessed their peculiar behavior ourselves just this morning before our first class. I can't speak for my comrades, but I have been trying to spread the word around to all of our fellow glee-clubbers," Rachel announces proudly, as though she were performing some sort of public service…which, okay, maybe she _**is**_.

"So, am I, like, the last to find out about this or something? I would think that I had a right to know considering that Brittany was my girlfriend up until two minutes ago," Artie snaps at the diva.

"I'm fairly certain that Quinn doesn't know and-"

"She'll know soon enough when she sees them in Cheerios practice right about now," Puck smirks.

"-and I doubt that Lauren knows yet either," Rachel finishes, cutting the other boy a dirty look for having _**dared**_ to interrupt her.

"Lauren doesn't know what?" The girl in question asks as she comes up behind the small group. They all look over at her and their eyes widen slightly when they take in her appearance. "Does this have something to do with a couple of cheerleaders acting suspiciously out of character?" She asks knowingly.

"Um, yeah, it does. So, I guess you know about it?" Finn replies for the group, sounding more like he's questioning than confirming.

"What the hell happened, Babe?" Puck inquires, his voice laced with concern as he struggles to hold back the urge to touch the purple flesh around her swollen eye.

"How do you think I found out about them going to the Twilight Zone to have their personalities swapped?" Lauren scoffs, swatting her boyfriend's hand away as it begins to approach her eye, almost of its own accord. Seeing them looking at her expectantly, she sighs and recalls the encounter. "I was on my way to third period when…"

* * *

><p><em>"Hey Zizes!" Someone barks from behind the hulking female wrestler, the hostility clear in their tone.<em>

_Lauren rolls her eyes as she turns around to see who called her, the voice sounding at least vaguely familiar. She is greeted by a powerful left cross to the eye that actually causes her to take a couple steps back at the impact._

* * *

><p>"Wait, are you trying to tell us that <em><strong>Brittany<strong>_ did this to you?" Tina blurts, surprised at even the thought of the infamously sweet blonde hurting anyone.

"And she lived?" Rachel can't help but wonder.

"If you'd let me _**finish**_…" Lauren scowls. "So…"

* * *

><p><em>The sight of Brittany being held back by the notoriously bitchy Santana is enough to catch even the unflappable Lauren Zizes off guard. She finds herself too stunned to retaliate. "The hell?" Lauren asks instead.<em>

_"That's right bitch. I just cold-cocked your ass," Brittany smugly tells her, no longer struggling against her best friend, content to let the smaller girl hug her arm to keep her from moving._

_"She wasn't doing anything, Britt-Britt," Santana all but pouts at the blonde._

_"Am I being punk'd or something?" Lauren asks, baffled, as her eyes dart around in search of Ashton Kutcher hiding behind a trashcan._

_"This is me getting you back for hurting Santana back in February and I'm __**nowhere**__ near satisfied that we're even, but I don't want to upset her any more than she already is," Brittany bites back as she manages to pry herself free from the other girl's grip._

_"Don't hurt her Britt," Santana pleas, gaining Lauren's startled attention. The wrestler is beyond surprised to find tears in the Latina's eyes and the girl appearing genuinely concerned for the well-being of the substantially larger of the two._

_"Are you drunk?" Lauren can't help but ask the girl currently shaking as she tries to control her sobs. The Latina __**is **__a 'weepy, emotional' drunk after all._

_"Hey! Don't talk to her. You're pushing your luck 'cause I'm about five seconds from going all Ninja Cheerleader Warrior on your ass," Brittany snaps, rocking back and forth from her heels to the balls of her feet as though just waiting for an excuse to pounce on the larger girl._

_"Fine," Lauren says, hoping it's enough to appease the blonde._

_Brittany narrows her eyes and steps far too close into the other girl's personal space so she can lower her voice without being overheard by her best friend. "I swear that if you so much as lay a finger on her, or even look at her too hard, again, I won't hesitate to deliver a flying roundhouse right to your fucking jaw so hard they'll have to wire it shut. You'll have to go __**months**__ without solid food," she growls menacingly and Lauren wills herself not to take a step back from her._

_"Brittany's a second degree black belt in taekwondo," Santana chirps proudly, still having heard everything, but at least recovered from her recent bout of tears._

_"That's right S. Now let's go, we have history next," Brittany smiles at her counterpart as she approaches her. They link pinkies and walk off, the blonde shoots a final warning glare at the wrestler before the pair turn the corner. Lauren stands still, staring down the hall as she tries to wrap her mind around what just happened. It isn't until the late bell rings that she finally gets shaken back to reality and the pain in her eye begins to register._

* * *

><p>"You were scared," Puck smirks knowingly once his girlfriend finishes telling her story.<p>

"Shut up Puckerman. I was merely caught by surprise," Lauren downplays.

"No, it sounds as though you were genuinely intimidated by Brittany," Rachel backs up her friend's accusation.

"I'd be a little afraid of her too if that was me," Tina sympathizes.

"I wasn't in the mood to snap the little girl in half and have to deal with Satan's wrath over it," she shrugs back in response.

"Except Santana's the nice one now and, even if she was still her bitchy self, we already know you can handle her," Puck points out with a smug grin.

"Did you not hear me when I told you that Santana said that Brittany has a black belt in karate or whatever?" Lauren snaps irritably.

"A _**second degree**_ black belt," Tina corrects easily.

"In _**taekwondo**_," Mike adds, sharing a smile with his girlfriend.

"Whatever. I can handle one of them fine, but it would've been too much trouble to take on both at the same time," Lauren grinds out. "Let's go Puckerman. Feed me," she orders her boyfriend.

"Yes ma'am," the mohawked boy grins as they make their way to the cafeteria.

"She was afraid," Rachel concludes once the couple is out of earshot.

"Oh yeah," Mike smirks as they all head to lunch for themselves.

* * *

><p><strong>Choir Room – After School<strong>

"Did I miss something?" Quinn asks the handful of club members present as she stands angrily at the front of the room with her boyfriend standing awkwardly by her side.

"About what?" Kurt asks idly as he flips through his bootlegged advanced copy of next month's _Vogue Paris_.

"Oh, I don't know," Quinn snarks. "How about we start with Cheerios practice when Santana skips – _**skips!**_ – on to the field with a red slushy, slurping loudly during Sue's daily rant about why we're all failures. Santana's usually the _**first**_ one to slap a slushy from one of us and she can recite all _**six**_ of Sue's diet rules that they violate…_**verbatim**_!" She nearly smacks her boyfriend in the face as she gesticulates wildly, her volume increasing as she goes.

"What did Coach Sylvester say?" Finn dares to ask. Quinn clenches her jaw as she recalls the nightmare of a practice from earlier.

* * *

><p><em>"Lopez!" Sue Sylvester barks at the source of the intrusive noise. The girl in question looks up at her curiously. "What in the name of Hilary Clinton's cankles are you doing?"<em>

_"Drinkin' mah slushy," Santana smiles innocently (a tone that Brittany finds nothing short of adorable on the other girl) and not the least self-conscious that her lips, teeth and tongue are strained a loud shade of red. _

_"What's the matter? Is my patented and yet-to-be-FDA-approved Master Cleanse not good enough for you anymore?" She interrogates, sounding almost affronted by the other girl's audacity to not cower in fear._

_"It tastes like poopy-shit," the Latina answers candidly before taking another obnoxious slurp of her drink, oblivious to the gasps of surprise and horror from those around her…and the ecstatic expression on the head Cheerio's face at the prospect of her biggest threat for the top spot being kicked off the squad for her blatant insubordination._

_Narrowing her eyes, Sue scrutinizes her, __**usually**__, most obedient and ruthless Cheerio. She notices the possessive hand placed casually on Santana's tanned thigh and the challenging scowl on Brittany's face directed at anyone that dares to shoot her friend a dirty look. "I see. Try to keep it down when I'm in the middle of one of my infamous monologues," she orders, intrigued enough to continue to observe rather than jump to punishing her blindly._

_"Gotcha," Santana agrees, smiling with the straw in her mouth as she attempts to keep the slurping to a minimum. _

* * *

><p>"Wow," Puck breathes out, amazed that Santana was able to get away with it. Quinn continues without acknowledging him.<p>

"Or how about, instead of stretching during our warm-ups, Brittany was running around giving Santana a piggyback ride and Santana was laughing like a mental patient…and Sue watched them without saying a word," she nearly shouts in anger and irritation.

Most everyone attempts to hide their laughter so as not to have to face the blonde's wrath. "Seriously?" Finn asks, eyes widened in disbelief.

Quinn merely casts her boyfriend a silencing side-eye of aggravation. "And if all of that wasn't enough, when it came time to actually run through the routine, Santana actually started to _**pout**_ because it meant that she and her BFF would have to be separated for a _**whole**_ five minutes and she'd be at the bottom of the pyramid while Brittany's near the top holding _**me**_ up," she is nearly foaming at the mouth in rage.

"So what?" Lauren shrugs, not seeing the big deal.

"When Coach saw her pouting like a _**five-year old**_, she decided to have me swap places with her so now _**I'm**_ at the bottom and she's all the way at the top with Brittany holding _**her**_ up. I got pissed at Santana and _**Brittany**_ got in my face and actually threatened to _**cut**_ me. Like, seriously, am I in some alternate reality where everyone's gone crazy?"

Several members are unable to keep from laughing out loud at this point. "I'm sure it was only for today and it'll blow over by tomorrow," Mercedes speaks up, hoping to diffuse the ticking time bomb that is Quinn Fabray.

"Uh, yeah, I don't think so," Quinn retorts. "After practice Sue called me into her office…"

* * *

><p><em>"You're not living up to the expectations I had when I brought you back as the captain of my Cheerios. I'm permanently demoting you the bottom of the pyramid and reinstating Santana as the squad captain," Coach Sylvester states as soon as the door is shut.<em>

_"__**What**__?" Quinn gapes, unable to believe how abrupt this is._

_"I let you come back when you informed me of Bigboobs McGee's 'artificial enhancements'. Recently it has come to my attention that you've been under the knife yourself," Sue calmly states._

_"Who told you?" The cheerleader growls._

_"I have eyes…or did you forget about those posters plastered all over the building, Lucy Caboosey? You're lucky I don't kick you off."_

_"What if I quit? Then what?" Quinn challenges, knowing how much the older woman hates it when someone voluntarily walks away from her squad._

_"We won Nationals easily without you last year when Lopez was captain," Sue doesn't even bat an eye at the thought of losing the girl in front of her._

_"Did you not see how spastic she was today? Brittany actually threatened to cut me. You can't seriously believe that those two are better for the squad than I am right now," Quinn points out the other girl's behavior today hoping that her coach will recognize that she's the more stable option._

_"Do you really want to make me choose between losing one of my three best Cheerios and losing __**two**__ of them?" Coach Sylvester doesn't even try to pretend that it isn't true that when Santana's in charge then Brittany is as well because it's common knowledge that the two are a package deal. She knows Quinn is smart enough to see that Sue won't be at all affected if she chooses to walk._

_"I don't believe this," Quinn grumbles as she gets up, resigned to her lowered status on the squad…for now. _

_Sue decides to get one more parting shot. "Besides, last week's weigh-ins tell me you still haven't dropped all that baby weight yet and my Puerto Rican Pam Anderson still weighs less. I need a flier that can actually fly without risking the safety of all the girls trying to catch her."_

_Quinn suppresses a growl of annoyance and, as she exits the office, she sees Santana and Brittany waiting to go in, the shorter of the two chatting animatedly with Becky while they wait. She shoots Santana her dirtiest glare only to have it met by __**Brittany's**__ shockingly intimidating bitch-face._

* * *

><p>Anything anyone might have had to say in response to this recent development is silenced by a red, white and tan blur dashing into the room and nearly tacking Quinn in a tight hug. "Santana, what the <em><strong>hell<strong>_?" The former head Cheerio grinds out as she struggles to get free. This is proving difficult considering the other girl has her arms pinned to her sides.

"I am _**so**_ sorry Q. I tried to find you earlier because I knew you had to be upset, but Britt told me that I should give you time to cool off. When Coach told me I was captain again I was super-excited, but then I just felt awful 'cause I know how much it meant to you too. I don't know why she changed things and I didn't understand when Britt tried explaining. Please don't hate me," the Latina babbles everything out in one breath, not once relenting her hold on her friend.

Quinn wants nothing more than to hold on to her anger and hate for the other girl, but it's proving difficult because of the watery eyes pleading with her not to be mad. "Christ Fabray. Just hug her back and tell her that you don't hate her so that we can all get on with our lives already," Brittany rolls her eyes, her arms impatiently folded across her chest.

"I don't hate you. It's okay," Quinn assures the girl clinging to her as she returns the hug. She won't admit it out loud, but this scowling and protective Brittany scares the hell out of her. Despite that, however, the shorter blonde finds that she really _**doesn't**_ hate Santana and she believes now, more than ever, that the two girls aren't acting like this to screw with everyone.

"Great!" Santana grins before planting a quick friendly kiss on Quinn's cheek before retrieving the purple slushy she had Brittany holding for her and skipping to her usual seat in the back.

At the kiss, Brittany narrows her eyes dangerously at the other blonde Cheerio and Quinn stands her ground, resisting every urge to crawl under the piano and hide. Before either girl can get a word out, Will enters the room with his usual easy smile firmly in place.

"All right, everyone to your seats," the glee director instructs politely, paying no mind to the withering glare Brittany shoots Quinn before joining an unusually upbeat Santana in the back. "Okay guys, let's talk mash-ups," he excitedly claps his hands together to try and get everyone pumped up, his enthusiastic smile not faltering at the resounding groans from his students. "Come on, don't be afraid to throw out some ideas," he encourages.

Rachel's hand immediately goes up and, for a moment, Mr. Schuester's bright smile wavers slightly. Then, he spots Santana with her hand raised up at the same time Brittany realizes it and the blonde wraps her fingers around her friend's wrist and attempts to surreptitiously lower it. Not to be deterred, Santana's other hand flies up and she even goes so far as to wave it around to make sure she gets Will's attention.

"Yes Santana?" The curly-haired teacher warily calls on the only person with their hand up that isn't Rachel. He can't help but be surprised that the surly Cheerio is contributing at all, let alone actually raising her hand as opposed to just saying what she's thinking like usual. That being said, he's still quite understandably cautious about what she has to say considering her track record.

For her part, Rachel simply lets her hand slowly drop down to her lap and she turns to look at the Latina. Any other time and she would have crossed her arms and glared at Mr. Schuester in a huff, but now she's just too curious to be upset about not being called on first.

"I have the _**best**_ idea for a mash-up. Seriously. It'll be _**epic**_ you guys! " Santana announces proudly, pausing a for dramatic effect and she takes a moment to congratulate herself for having everyone, even Brittany, on the edge of their seats in anticipation.

"Well?" Quinn prompts impatiently.

"I'm thinking, the Spice Girls and…" Santana pauses again, amusing herself with how riveted everyone is, "Korn," she finishes so as to take pity on them and put them out of their misery.

"The _**Spice Girls**_?" Puck sputters in disbelief.

"_**And**_ Korn?" Finn asks for clarification, earning a grin from the Latina. "Together?" He double checks.

"Totally," Santana nods furiously in confirmation, her excitement rolling off of her in waves. The happy grin she'd been sporting since Will called on her fades slightly as she notices the all of skeptical faces looking back at her and she realizes that they're about to blow off her idea. "No, really. _Spice Up Your Life _and _Freak on a Leash_ will sound _**so**_ awesome together."

"Which one is _Spice Up Your Life_ again?" Mike questions, wracking his brain to remember.

"You can look them up on the thing and then listen to them on the Youtube," Santana beams as she indicates her phone. Hesitantly, several of others follow her advice, even Mr. Schuester tries to inconspicuously listen as Artie plays _Freak on a Leash_ on his phone. After a couple of minutes, almost everyone's dubious expressions soften into looks of contemplation.

"Come on you guys. You can't seriously be considering this!" Rachel snaps at the group.

"You got a problem, Hobgoblin?" Brittany growls confrontationally when the small diva's protests cause Santana to deflate.

"I, for one, refuse to be ridiculed by our peers as a result of this," Rachel continues stubbornly, crossing her arms in defiance.

"Trust me, there are _**so**_ many _**other**_ things to ridicule you for that this won't even fall in the Top Ten," Brittany snorts with distain.

"Britt, leave it alone. It's fine," Santana says quietly to her friend, placing a calming hand on her thigh to keep her from lunging at the loudmouthed brunette.

"You know, I think this might be something we can work with," Will steps in, genuinely surprised that the songs wouldn't be too hard to mash up.

"See!" Santana points to the glee director as proof that it isn't completely unreasonable. "We'll be able to incorporate a lot of vocal variety with more than just the usual one or two singers and it'll also give us a chance to showcase some sweet-ass dance moves, right Britt?" She grins at the end as she playfully nudges the blonde next to her, who blushes and sinks down in her chair at the sudden attention.

"Santana, I must say that I'm pleased to see how well you've thought this out. It's nice to see you taking such an interest in Glee Club," Will smiles. "This is definitely a good idea and if there are no further suggestions by Wednesday, then we'll get started then," he informs the group, much to Rachel's chagrin.

"Yes!" Santana cheers with an enthusiastic fist-pump followed by a high-five to Brittany. "This is going to be _**at least**_ seven different shades of amazing," she tells her best friend confidently as she stands up, offering the other girl her pinky.

Brittany gets up and curls her pinky around the Latina's, smiling fondly at the smaller girl. "I'm sure it'll be epic, S," she assures her, the hyper brunette practically bouncing in exhilaration, heedless of the purple slushy sloshing precariously around in the plastic cup in her hand.

"How many of those has she had today?" Puck asks cautiously, not wanting to upset either girl since they've been acting far too unpredictable for his liking as of late.

"Four," Brittany replies idly, shaking her head in amusement as she they leave the room. Santana can be heard giggling as the blonde starts playfully poking her in the side and tickling her, unable to properly defend herself without a free hand.

Rachel is the first to shake herself out of the stupor watching the bizarre interactions had sent the rest of the room in, quickly relocating to a seat in the center of the front row, right next to Quinn, to better communicate with the others. She pointedly ignores the blonde's subtle sneer at having chosen the seat beside her as she eyes everyone else.

"You guys, this is serious!" Rachel exclaims, darting her eyes over to the door in fear of Brittany or Santana overhearing. "We need to do something," she practically demands, looking at them in hopes of getting someone to back her up.

"I hate to say this, but I'm actually with Rachel on this," Kurt chimes in after a moment.

"Me too. Seeing Satan being all giggly and cheerful is creepy and wrong," Mercedes adds.

"And Brittany kind of scares me now," Tina admits, prompting everyone to glance at Lauren and her black, swollen eye.

"Hey! I'm not afraid of that stick figure!" Lauren barks defensively at the others. "But I'm not exactly opposed to getting things back the way they were before," she shrugs nonchalantly.

"Alright Berry, what did you have in mind?" Quinn rolls her eyes as she looks back at Rachel.

The small brunette pauses a moment before narrowing her eyes in determination, nodding to herself as she seems to reach some kind of decision. "Ladies, I think it's time we hold an impromptu Glee Girls – and Kurt – meeting at my house tonight," she asserts, not missing the grin Kurt shoots her at his inclusion.

"What do you mean 'another'?" Puck asks suspiciously. "How many have you had?"

"None ya bidness," Mercedes informs him with barely a sidelong look.

"Why is it just the girls? Why can't it just be all of us except Santana and Brittany?" Finn wonders.

"Sweetie, no offense, but us girls are kind of the brains of the operation here," Quinn tells her boyfriend, trying not to sound too condescending…it's uncertain as the whether or not she succeeded.

"If we let you boys come too then you'd only slow progress," Rachel bluntly states.

"Um, you guys? What's going on?" Will finally speaks up after only growing more and more confused as they kept talking. The class just rolls their eyes before getting up and leaving. Ironing out a few minor details and the girls are set to meet at Rachel's later that evening to discuss strategy.

* * *

><p>The update for <em>Within You Without You<em> was taking longer than I expected and I wanted to post something today...first day of the new year and all. So I decided to post this first chapter that's been sitting on my flashdrive for a while now. I figured it's as good a time as any to post something fun to break up the seriousness of my other story.

This is a three part story, as mentioned above. The second part will be pretty long and will be up Thursday or Friday. Expect a kidnapping, short road trip, Dr. Lopez, ice cream and mild violence…make of that what you will. Part three will be more of an epilogue as it will deal with the immediate aftermath.

Yeah, we all know Brittany's kink is having her armpits kissed (or licked?) so I figured that Santana's, for the purpose of this story, would be having her toes sucked because, well, why not?

Also, don't ask about where that idea for the Spice Girls/Korn mash-up idea came from. I have no idea either. This is a fun story though and I hope you stick around to see what happens next.


	2. Don't Judge Us

**A/N**: This format for this chapter is different in that there are no flashbacks. Though I think it's obvious enough in context that I shouldn't have to put this here, text in italics represent the person on the other end of the phone conversation.

**A/N2**: I am not a medical doctor and, as far as I know, the medical condition mentioned in this does _**not**_ exist.

**Spoilers**: Short, unimportant reference to _Night of Neglect_.

**Warnings**: Language, mild sexual suggestiveness, minor violence

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two: Don't Judge Us<strong>

**Tuesday**

"Guys, are we really sure this is a good idea? I would hate for us to get caught and have the paparazzi unearth the scandalous kidnapping charges when I become a famous Broadway star," Rachel babbles as she shifts in her chair, her right leg bouncing spastically from her frayed nerves.

"Calm down Berry, this is for their own good," Quinn rolls her eyes at the other girl. "I'm more concerned about whether or not it was a good idea to let Mercedes and Tina stay behind to cover for us considering that they're the biggest gossips," she adds, checking her watch for the umpteenth time since they entered the office half an hour ago.

"What about Lauren? I'm mildly concerned for her well-being since we left her alone with Brittany and Santana," Kurt smirks, thinking of the black eye Brittany left on the female wrestler's face.

"I'm sure she's safe so long as she doesn't let them out of the trunk," Quinn chuckles.

Before anyone has a chance to say anything else, the office door opens. "Sorry to keep you waiting, I was finishing up with a cerebral lace-" the man cuts himself off when he glances up from the file in his hands to the people waiting for him in his office.

"Hi Dr. Lopez," Quinn bashfully greets her friend's father.

"Hello, Quinn," he warmly greets the blonde. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages. How are you?" He asks conversationally. With as little time as he gets to spend at home, he is intent on taking advantage of any opportunity he can to express his interest in his daughter's life as well as her friends' lives.

"Well, _**I'm**_ okay," Quinn softly answers pointedly.

"I see," the surgeon draws out, his eyebrows furrowing at her choice of words before he takes note of the other two occupants in the office. "And who are your friends?"

"We're in the glee club with Quinn, Santana and Brittany," Kurt answers as he approaches the surprisingly welcoming doctor…especially considering who is daughter is. "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, countertenor," he introduces himself, holding out his hand to offer a handshake, which Dr. Lopez easily takes.

Nearly tripping over herself in her rush, Rachel jumps out of the chair and practically shoves Kurt out of the way, her 'Broadway smile' firmly in place. "Rachel Barbra Berry, soprano," she introduces herself in a similar fashion to the boy rolling his eyes next to her as she rapidly shakes his hand with both of hers. "And I must say that it's a pleasure to meet the father of New Directions' most…_**outspoken**_ member. Santana is one of our most talented singers…she _**clearly**_ doesn't have the training I do, but she still-"

Kurt cuts the rambling brunette off by clamping his hand over her mouth while Quinn pries her hands off of Dr. Lopez'. "Please, don't mind Rachel. She's, well…" the blonde Cheerio trails off as she eyes the diva, trying to find the best way to explain her.

"She's like a golden retriever. She's always excited to meet new people. She loves it and she thrives on attention," Kurt finishes for the other girl.

"Nice to meet you both," the doctor replies, his head spinning too much over the events of the last 27 seconds to say much more. "I didn't think 'glee clubs' were still a thing," he says after a moment.

The trio shares a look of confusion and Quinn is the first to regain her bearings. "McKinley High has always had a glee club. Santana, Brittany and I joined it at the beginning of our sophomore year," she informs him, hoping that it just slipped his mind and not because-

"Santana never said anything," Dr. Lopez inadvertently finishes the blonde's thoughts.

"That's surprising considering that at Regionals last year she told everyone that glee was the best part of her day," Rachel chirps obliviously, her grin fading when she sees the twin glares being shot at her from Kurt and Quinn, silently telling her to shut up.

"Oh," the older man briefly deflates before pulling himself together and smiling kindly at the teens, not wanting any of them to see how hurt he actually is. They all recognize that Santana has done the same thing on several occasions. "So, what brings the three of you down here?"

"Well, sir, let me start by setting the scene: Picture it-"

"Santana and Brittany aren't acting like themselves," Kurt interjects, not in the mood to listen to Rachel spend the next 20 minutes trying to explain what can easily be explained in a couple of short sentences.

"Who are they acting like then?" The amused doctor challenges them, wondering if the three kids drove all the way to Cleveland to pull some prank.

"Each other," they all say at the same time, giving one another a strange look afterwards.

"You think they swapped bodies?" He asks, wondering if they think he's stupid.

"Yesterday, Santana was nice to everyone. She spent the whole day giggling and smiling and was genuinely sweet and complimentary," Quinn explains as though it was proof of an upcoming apocalypse.

"She drank a slushy, well, _**four**_ slushies, instead of throwing them," Kurt adds before immediately regretting it once he sees the confused, then saddened, look on the other man's face at the revelation.

"And she was openly affectionate with Brittany which she's been notoriously hesitant about since they sang 'Landslide' with Miss Holiday and she snapped at me when I, correctly might I add, pointed out the incredibly Sapphic undertones of the performance. She acted as though the nature of her and Brittany's relationship was a secret or something," Rachel laughs at how ridiculous the idea of those two thinking that the rest of the glee club was oblivious to their affections.

"God, _**Berry**_," Quinn groans as she brings a hand up to her face, unwilling to even so much as glance over to see the look on her (probably soon to be 'former') friend's father's face.

"It's not like it was much of a secret once Brittany told us that she and Santana have sex with one another back before Sectionals last year," Kurt rolls his eyes before slapping his hand over his mouth before turning to face the slack-jawed doctor.

Quinn decides that it's up to her to do damage control thanks to her two incompetent partners in crime. "Dr. Lopez, I am _**so**_ sorry for this all to have come out this way. Please don't be too upset with Santana, I'm sure she was going to tell you in…" the blonde trails off in confusion when the other man starts laughing.

"I assure you Dr. Lopez, this is no joke," Rachel informs him seriously.

"It's cute that you just _**assumed**_ that my wife and I didn't already know about my daughter and Brittany," the doctor enlightens them. "She came out 'officially' at the end of her freshman year, but we'd already suspected as much for years," he chuckles, shaking his head.

"And Brittany?" Kurt asks, inadvertently voicing the same question the other two girls were thinking.

"My wife and I weren't shocked. We knew it was inevitable when they insisted on those matching charm bracelets when they were ten," he smirks, the looks on all their faces telling him that they knew exactly what bracelets she was talking about. "We didn't expect it to take this long, but my daughter can be quite stubborn," he then shrugs, earning a scoff or snort from the others.

"Look, as fun as it is discussing Santana's dating life, I think we have a more pressing issue here, right ladies?" Kurt prompts his companions as he remembers why they're here.

"They are acting really out of character and we, along with the rest of the glee club, are concerned…and the rest of the student body is just scared to walk down the same hallway as them," Quinn explains.

"Well, if they really are acting as out of character as you seem to think, I would first have to examine them before making any-"

"We brought them with us just in case you said that. They're in the car!" Rachel cuts him off.

"You were able to convince _**Santana**_ to come _**here**_?" The doctor questions in shock.

The teens share another hesitant look. "Something like that," Quinn hedges. "We'll take you to them in the parking lot just…don't judge us, okay?" She asks quietly.

"_**Okay**_," Dr. Lopez draws out, his eyes narrowing suspiciously before ushering them out the door to lead the way.

"You _**do**_ believe us, don't you?" Rachel inquires as they reach the hospital's main entrance.

"I don't know yet," the doctor honestly replies.

Moments later, they approach the car and Lauren steps out of the car as she crams the rest of her Snickers bar in her mouth unceremoniously. "'Sup, Doc? Lauren Zizes," she greets the doctor through a mouthful of half-chewed candy.

"Santiago Lopez," he introduces himself in return. "So, where are they?" He wonders when they don't magically appear.

"Thank _**fucking**_ Christ! Get us out of here!" A muffled voice shouts followed by a giggle and the sound of someone banging against metal.

"You locked them in the trunk?" Dr. Lopez asks incredulously.

"You said you wouldn't judge us!" Rachel reminds him.

"I'm not judging, but…_**seriously**_?" He replies with a scoff.

"Less talking, more unlocking!" The same voice barks out from the trunk.

"I'll be staying right here, if you don't mind," Lauren declares when they all turn to her to let them out.

Rachel rolls her eyes at the girl. "There's a trunk release button under the dash," she explains. Lauren glares at the small diva, but goes and hits the button, refusing to get too close when she hears the _click_ of the trunk.

"Sweet, unholy Jesus fucking bullshit!" Brittany rants as she tumbles unceremoniously from the trunk, her legs long numb from the restricted space and the sudden light blinding her.

Santana just laughs good-naturedly from the trunk and moves so just her legs are hanging out of the back to stretch them out. "My feet are all _**tingly**_," she chirps cheerfully as she wiggles her toes from inside her shoes.

Brittany sends an evil glare at the three girls and Kurt before tilting her head in confusion at the sight of her best friend's father. Before she even gets a chance to say anything she is distracted by two tan arms sticking up from the trunk and fingers wriggling expectantly. Her lips quirk up in a subtle smirk as she grabs both of her hands to pull Latina to her feet.

Santana staggers a bit as her cramped legs readjust to being used, her body crashing into the blonde's. Her hands come to rest on Brittany's shoulders to steady herself while the taller girl's arms immediately wrap themselves protectively around her waist. Once certain that the brunette isn't going to fall over, she slides her arms back to allow her hands to settle on her hips. Without warning, Santana breaks into a grin before lifting herself up on her tiptoes to drop a light kiss on the dancer's nose, giggling at the flustered look on Brittany's face.

"Oh yeah, you two are _**super**_-subtle," Lauren rolls her eyes sarcastically.

At the other girl's voice Santana turns in Brittany's loose embrace, a pleasant smile on her face to contrast the scowl the blonde is sporting. "Hey, _Whale Wars_, you want me to make that a matching set or what?" Brittany threatens darkly, indicating the non-blackened eye from the day before.

"Britt-Britt," Santana frowns in a chastising manner, leaning her head back against her friend's shoulder to look up at her.

"Sorry," Brittany smiles sheepishly at the brunette in response, her eyes subconsciously darting to the rest of their inadvertent audience with the Latina following her gaze, her face instantaneously lighting up as she twists out of the dancer's grasp.

"Daddy!" Santana squeals happily at the sight of her father as she rushes him and instantly wraps her arms around his torso in a tight hug.

The older man staggers back a few paces as he regains his balance at the unexpected show of affection. Dr. Lopez is fairly certain that he hasn't hugged his daughter like this since she was nine and he allows himself a few moments to revel in it.

"Is everything okay Santana-Banana?" He asks her, taking a chance on a nickname he hasn't used in _**years**_.

"Of course, Daddy," Santana grins as she releases her father and steps back to stand by Brittany again.

"They _**kidnapped**_ us!" An outraged Brittany snaps pointing at the girls and Kurt, amazed at how her best friend's father doesn't seem to care. "Wait until 'Tana's mother gets home. I'm gonna have her sue your asses," she threatens menacingly.

"She's not _**that**_ kind of lawyer Britt-Britt," Santana chuckles lightly.

"Well…She…I…That's beside the point!" Brittany sputters, clearly flustered as her face turns a brilliant shade of red.

"We're only trying to help," Rachel feels the need to defend their actions.

"You locked us in the trunk, Dwerg," the angry blonde growls, her hostility apparent.

With the exception of Santana, the others share a confused look, not understanding the reference. Rachel isn't even sure if she should be offended or not. The Latina notices the unusual silence and picks up on the others' bewilderment. "'Dwerg' is Dutch for dwarf," she helpfully explains with an easy smile.

"Okay. I see what you mean now," Dr. Lopez acquiesces as he scrutinizes their behavior.

"Good," Kurt releases a relieved sigh.

"Great. Now, how do we fix it?" Quinn asks. The couple is now holding hands with their fingers interlaced together while Santana gently draws the fingers of her other hand along the blonde's bare arm in a soothing manner as she quietly murmurs seemingly calming words to the taller girl. Watching this scene unfold, Quinn is torn between disgust at how cute they are and affection for how sweet the whole thing is.

"Well, it would help if I knew what triggered the change," Dr. Lopez informs them honestly as he tries to wrap his mind around the girls' unusual behavior.

"All I know is that they were still themselves when we were at some party over the weekend. Monday they came to school acting like this," Quinn explains as she waves her hand vaguely at the other two Cheerios.

"To your, presumably, extensive knowledge, has something of this nature ever occurred before? What do you suppose would prompt such a drastic alteration in behavior?" Rachel babbles to the doctor.

Dr. Lopez casts a wary eye at the small brunette. "I've certainly _**heard**_ of cases wherein a patient has had a sudden change in personality. It is not _**entirely**_ unprecedented for something to happen that would result in a personality polarity reversal," he murmurs mostly to himself.

"Say what now?" Lauren questions with an eyebrow raised in puzzlement.

The older man is caught mildly off-guard as he realizes that he spoke out loud and he clears his throat awkwardly before clarifying. "Well, Brittany and Santana have always been on somewhat opposite ends of the spectrum. Brittany is more naïve, sweet, and open whereas Santana…" he trails off thoughtfully.

"Is a cruel, manipulative, mean-spirited, emotionally crippled bitch?" Lauren ventures bluntly, offering an innocent smile when the other man looks at her with a startled look on his face. "No offense," she says…her level of sincerity is dubious at best.

Coughing uncomfortably, Dr. Lopez decides to just forge ahead since the teens obviously know of the personality differences in Brittany and Santana. "So, some sort of event must have occurred to 'flip the switch', so to speak, on their personalities for them to be acting like…this. It isn't exactly that they're 'acting like each other' so much as they are simply _**so**_ different that the personality reversal only makes it seem that way. At their core, they are still the same two girls – they like the same things and have the same interests as they always have – but the only change is in how they behave," he finishes his explanation.

"But…_**how**_?" Quinn asks almost desperately.

"There have been a number of proposed causes, both documented and…theoretical. Anything from head trauma to an extraordinarily rare side effect of drug use or binge drinking to just a spontaneous change or any number of unknown factors could cause this…but I've never known of a case where two people have been simultaneously affected," he confesses this last part contemplatively.

"So, essentially, just about anything could, theoretically lead to this occurring and it may or may not fix itself," Rachel paraphrases grimly.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor admits apologetically to the group. "The best I could really do is set up an appointment for them to get an MRI so we can see where the damage occurred and the extent of it and go from there."

"Thank you, Dr. Lopez," Quinn mumbles dejectedly, having hoped that this situation would have more of a quick-fix than this.

"I'll do everything I can to get them back to their usual selves. I can't promise that it will work, but I'm certainly going to try," he offers sincerely, placing a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Quinn, I'll call you later to let you know when their appointment will be, okay?"

"That's fine," she sighs in response.

"How are we going to get them back out here though? It was hard enough this time and I doubt we'll be able to trick them a second time," Rachel chimes in, glancing briefly over at the couple making out by the car.

"A better question is how we're going to get them home. I'm afraid of what Brittany will do to me if I try to help force them back in the trunk. I'm not like Lauren, I break easily," Kurt shudders.

"We should probably start by hosing them off," Lauren deadpans, her face screwed up in disgust as she watches the couple going at it.

Dr. Lopez arches an eyebrow, unaware that the same look is a trademark of his daughter, as Rachel straightens up her posture and steels her expression before striding confidently towards the other two girls. "What is she doing?" He finds himself asking.

"Oh, Rachel knows that her presence is something of a wet blanket for most anyone under the influence of a hormonal haze of lust," Quinn explains nonchalantly.

Hesitating for the briefest of moments, Rachel taps Brittany on the shoulder. "_**What**_?" The blonde dancer nearly snarls as she turns to the small diva.

"Are you aware that the way the two of you are practically _**fornicating**_ in a hospital parking lot could be considered a criminal infraction if a police officer was to happen by?" She inquires, trying not to swallow nervously at the darkening expression on Brittany's face. "Though only a misdemeanor, I'm fairly certain that you wouldn't want something like this on your criminal record," she adds.

"Shut it, Banshee!" Brittany barks when Rachel opens her mouth to continue, her mouth reflexively snapping shut with an audible click of her teeth. "You, like, sapped the hotness out of the moment like some kind of…um…" she trails off, searching for the word, her rage deflating with each passing moment of silence.

"Succubus?" Santana guesses idly with a content smile on her face as she watches her blonde.

"Yes! That," Brittany blurts out with a 'eureka!' flicker lighting up her eyes. "Your voice alone was enough to make me lose my girl-wood," she accuses with a deep scowl. Santana can't help but giggle at the term.

Rachel looks torn between being offended and amused. Dr. Lopez, somehow, manages to blush with embarrassment, never having wanted to hear anything regarding the girls' sex life. Quinn and Kurt pull their faces into matching expressions of revulsion.

"Yeeeeaah. I think it's time to go now," Lauren is the first to speak as she tries to erase that last sentence from her memory. "Back in the trunk," she orders the two Cheerios.

"_**Excuse me**_," Brittany challenges incredulously as she folds her arms across her chest and levels a glare at the larger girl.

"There isn't enough room for all of us to fit in the car," Rachel replies after taking a few steps away to make sure she's out of hitting range.

"Well, 'Tana and I saw some bungee cords in the trunk. We could strap Chubby Chubsteen to the roof of the car," the taller blonde offers with an innocent smile.

"Britt!" An appalled Santana admonishes.

"What?" Brittany asks, unsure what the problem is. "It's not like she'll be alone or anything. When Rachel sticks her head out the window once we hit the freeway, those two will have the whole ride home to talk," she defends herself, barely suppressing a smirk.

"You're being mean," Santana says in a small, child-like voice with a pout. It takes only seconds for the other girl to crumble.

"I'm sorry, S," she apologizes sincerely, chastised. "I just don't want to ride all the way home in the trunk again. That totally sucked," she voices her objections.

A mischievous smirk passes over the Latina's face, a look so familiar that, for a moment, everyone wonders if the old Santana is back. That thought is enough to send a spark of fear through them as they remember what usually _**follows**_ when the darker girl gets that look. They all warily observe her pull Brittany in to whisper something in her ear, the blonde's expression softening and eventually her eyes completely glaze over and a goofy grin blossoms on her face.

"Okay. I'm good," Brittany announces airily once the shorter girl pulls away as she makes to get into the trunk, pausing when she receives a gentle nudge and a quirked eyebrow from Santana. "But we're totally stopping for ice cream on the way back. You guys owe us," she tells them, her eyes narrowed as if daring them to argue.

The teens share a look before shrugging. "Sure," Quinn agrees on all of their behalf.

"Good," Brittany nods in satisfaction, smiling softly at the happy grin on the other girl's face. She helps the shorter girl into the trunk first before following.

"You know we're probably going to hear them having sex in the trunk on the way back, right?" Kurt questions rhetorically as he turns to Quinn once the trunk is shut.

"Yeah," the other blonde groans, not looking forward to the drive back.

"I don't want to know. I'm leaving," Dr. Lopez states uncomfortably as he claps his hands over his ears as he starts walking back to the building. He lifts one hand and waves back idly at the chorus of 'goodbye's.

The remaining four pile back into the car and prepare themselves for the trip, cringing when the first moan reaches their ears from the trunk.

* * *

><p>"Oh my <em><strong>gawd<strong>_! This is incredible," Santana moans in ecstasy. "Mmmm," she hums sensually, her eyes rolling back in her head as she begins to lick her hand and fingers clean. She uncaringly takes a finger between her lips and sucks the remaining liquid off before moving to the next one.

Brittany has her head resting on her hand as she watches the Latina with a fierce intensity and a dreamy expression on her face. Her mouth hangs slightly open as she watches the other girl's lip and tongue in awe, feeling her body react predictably to the orgasmic sounds rumbling erotically from deep inside the brunette's throat, the blonde's pupils fully dilated in arousal. A particularly drawn out hum of pleasure ripping through her friend's mouth is just enough to send an unexpected jolt of excitement coursing through the taller girl, her eyes closing as a moan escapes her inadvertently and she unconsciously rubs her thighs together to release some of the delicious pressure building between her legs.

"You okay Britt-Britt?" Santana asks the other girl, her brows furrowed in concern at the sound of her friend moaning. She's ignorant to the four other pairs of eyes boring into her at their table…or the innumerable eyes fixed on her from the other patrons at the ice cream parlor just outside of Lima. The men around them shift uncomfortably in their seats for obvious reasons.

The blonde shakes her head bringing herself back to reality and clears her throat before answering. "Yeah," she rasps out, her voice thick with arousal.

Santana nods and grins obliviously, satisfied with her friend's response. "I wonder what would happen if a vegan was turned into a zombie," she thinks out loud as she stares contemplatively at the bell over the entrance to the ice cream parlor.

"Um…" Brittany, at a loss, trails off after noticing the others' confused looks…sans Lauren whose attention is too immersed in her ice cream sundae.

"I mean, the movies don't really address this issue and we don't exactly get any insight on most of their backstories or anything. And, like, why don't the zombies eat each other instead of normal people?" Santana continues to question idly before noticing the lost looks on her companions' faces. "These are the questions that plague me," she sighs wistfully before breaking into a grin. "Get it? 'Plague', 'zombies'. That was a pun," she giggles to herself and takes a big bite of her ice cream.

Kurt, against his will, feels a laugh bubble up and escape. He throws a hand over his mouth and attempts to cover his laugh up with a cough. Brittany simply fixes the brunette Cheerio with a fond smile and Quinn smirks at this whole new side of the Latina. Rachel stares dumbstruck at her, trying to make sense of what she's talking about.

"The infected flesh of other zombies would likely release hormones or something that would be a turn-off to other zombies," Lauren shrugs casually as she tackles the last question.

"Like their altered body chemistry gives off pheromones of some kind to signal that they're, like, the same 'species' or whatever and are therefore off-limits," Santana nods in understanding, accepting the larger girl's explanation.

"Oh, like we saw on the Discovery Channel that one time about animals that use pheromones to convey messages to each other and other animals," Brittany replies as she considers Lauren's reasoning.

"Totally," Santana giggles again before playfully brushing the taller girl's nose with her cone, leaving a streak of vanilla in its wake. She laughs openly when Brittany's eyes cross to try to look at it before putting her out of her misery and unconcernedly leaning in to lick the ice cream off the tip of her friend's nose, pulling away with a cheeky wink.

Rachel is the first to regain her bearings at the display, wisely choosing not to address the bright red blush of the recently bitchy blonde. "Now, Lauren, while I am able to comprehend your sophistic insight into reanimated human corpse theory given your affiliation with the A/V Club-"

"You callin' me a nerd Berry?" The girl in question cuts her off, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Only in the _**nicest**_ way possible!" Rachel defends herself quickly, breathing a sigh of relief when Lauren's expression settles into something less menacing, before turning back to Brittany and Santana. "I don't understand _**your**_ interest in the subject," she completes her thought from before Lauren cut her off.

"Biology is fun," Santana shrugs easily, taking a bite out of her waffle cone and inadvertently smearing ice cream all over her face in the process.

"Yeah…and George Romero was a genius," Brittany agrees with and adds to the Latina's response, wondering if the wad of napkins on the table will be enough to clean up the mess the other girl is making.

"Totally," the dark-haired Cheerio agrees with a grin before abruptly snapping her head to direct her attention to Rachel. "You're a vegan," she states with an almost accusing note in her voice.

"Yes, I am. I would be more than willing to provide you with some literature on the lifestyle if you were perhaps interested-"

"If you were turned into a zombie, would you try to eat people or would you, like, just maul a carrot or something?" Santana interrupts, her head tilted slightly to the side in curiosity.

"Uh…" Rachel is at a loss for words and she looks to the others in hopes they can provide her some kind of guidance in how to navigate this conversation.

"Maybe we should discuss our mash-up assignment for Glee," Kurt proposes in a desperate attempt to talk about something else. He pointedly ignores Rachel's glare, knowing that the Spice Girls/Korn mash-up is still something of a sore topic with the other diva.

"Totally!" Santana agrees wholeheartedly through a mouthful of ice cream. "We should, like, figure out which Spice Girl we're gonna be," she suggests enthusiastically.

"Refresh my memory," Quinn requests to hear their names if, for no other reason, than to humor the other girl.

The Latina is baffled for a moment as she tries to recall. "Um…Posh Spice…" she trails off as she wracks her brain, taking a lock of her hair and twisting it around an index finger as she thinks. "Sneezy Spice…Grumpy Spice and, um…Prancer Spice?" She finishes sounding more like a question.

"Weren't there five of them?" Kurt can't help but ask, trying his best to hold in his amusement.

"Okay, um…Hey Britt, was Cinnamon Spice a Spice Girl or was that the name of the stripper from that one time?" Santana questions the blonde curiously, not noticing the baffled looks the others are shooting them…or the blush on her best friend's face.

"First off, only the first one of those was an actual Spice Girl, Santana," Rachel sighs, inadvertently saving Brittany from having to answer the Latina's embarrassing inquiry. "While cinnamon is _**a**_ spice, it is not the name of a Spice _**Girl**_. Sneezy and Grumpy were two of the seven dwarves from Snow White and Prancer is one of Santa's reindeer," she explains with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh, yeah," the brunette giggles. "Rachel, which of the seven dwarves are you?" She asks innocently after a moment.

"_**Excuse**_ _**me**_?" A thoroughly affronted Rachel squawks.

"I heard Quinn calling you a dwarf earlier and I was just wondering which one you were. Definitely not Bashful," Santana grins.

"That's for damn sure," a smirking Brittany mumbles under her breath to the amusement of Kurt, Quinn and Lauren. She plasters on a sweet and innocuous smile when Santana shoots her a suspicious look.

"I think you're mostly Happy, but right now you're kinda Grumpy," Santana concludes.

"Thank you Santana!" Rachel sarcastically snaps irritably.

"Hey! Watch your tone Berry or I'll flush you down the toilet," Brittany threatens at the other girl's attitude.

"It's okay Britt-Britt," an unperturbed Santana assures her friend. "Besides, I'll always have Prancer," she chuckles.

"Um, what?" Kurt asks what everyone else is thinking.

"_**Hello**_, one of my reindeer," the Latina rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

"No Sweetie, it's _**Santa's**_ reindeer, not _**Santana's**_," Brittany clarifies with a soft smile.

"Oh yeah. I forgot," Santana giggles idly.

"Look, as much as I've been enjoying our time together, I really think we should get back on the road. We'll be able to make it to our last couple of classes if we leave now," Rachel decides to take charge.

"Whatever Berry," Lauren rolls her eyes as she finishes the remainder of her sundae.

"Come on Britt-Britt," Santana urges her friend as she practically bounces out of her chair and holds her hand out for the other girl.

Brittany takes the offered hand and lets herself be pulled up before immediately taking her hand back with her face scrunched up in disgust. "Come _**on**_ S. Your hand is all sticky," she whines.

Santana looks down at her hand, the ice cream drying into a gluey film and shrugs, a playful glint in her eyes. "You've never had a problem with my hand being all _**sticky**_ before," she teases suggestively, dropping her voice into a sultry purr. The blonde's face immediately flushes red.

"Okay, TMI!" Quinn blurts out, resisting the urge to melodramatically cover her ears…unlike Rachel and Kurt. "Go wash your hands then it's back in the trunk for you and Britt so we can finally get home," she orders the shorter girl, ignoring the fact that, once again, all eyes are on their table.

"Sure thing Q," Santana chirps pleasantly, reaching over the table to tweak the other blonde's nose with her ice cream covered hand before disappearing in the general direction of the bathroom.

"Ugh," Quinn groans as she wipes furiously at her nose with a napkin. "You need to get your girlfriend under control," she tells the taller blonde.

"She's not my _**girlfriend**_. We're just super-close friends, okay Lucy Q?" Brittany growls, finishing with a brow arched up as though challenging the other girl.

"Yeah, whatever you say," Lauren snorts from the relative safety of her seat at the spot furthest from the vindictive cheerleader.

Before Brittany has the chance to retort, Santana comes skipping back up to the group. "Okay, ready," she announces cheerfully, prompting them all to get up and begin to file out of the building.

* * *

><p><strong>Back at School<strong>

Due to a series of minor setbacks on the drive to school, the group ended up arriving back at McKinley High just in time for Santana, Brittany and Quinn to book it to Cheerio practice so they wouldn't be late. After leaving the ice cream parlor, Santana _**insisted**_ on going to the convenience store across the street to get a slushy for the ride back. Well, it was more like she darted across the street the moment they walked out of the ice cream parlor before anyone could even process what she was doing, the brunette oblivious to the three cars that almost hit her on the way over.

When they finally caught up with her a couple minutes later, the Latina was grimacing with one hand holding her head and the other holding a half empty slushy cup. She'd chugged down half of it before the brain freeze set in. Once spotting Santana, Brittany immediately went to her in concern and the others averted their gaze from the impending inappropriate contact. Rachel was the first to set her gaze on the scruffy, overweight middle-aged clerk who promptly informed her that Santana had yet to pay for the slushy. After much debate, a disgruntled Quinn forked over the dollar forty-nine for the red, iced-over corn syrup.

Ten minutes later, Brittany loudly banging on the partition separating the trunk from the back seat prompted Rachel to grudgingly pull over to find out what was wrong. The answer came as soon as the trunk was popped because Santana launched herself out of it, almost tripping over herself in the process, so that she could start hurling up cherry slushy on the side of the road with Brittany right there holding her hair and rubbing her back soothingly.

Twenty minutes after getting back on the road again, they pulled over once again from the banging. A sheepish Santana said she had to pee and, despite insisting that she'd be fine going on the side of the highway as long as someone was blocking her from view of other drivers, Brittany insisted that Rachel took them to the nearest gas station ASAP. Luckily, after they found a gas station and the Latina did her business, they were able to make it back to school without _**further**_ incident.

Most of the non-Cheerio members of the Glee Girls (and Kurt) wait patiently for them to finish with practice outside of the Cheerio locker room. On the drive back it was determined that the best way to figure out how to fix things was to first question the pair about what they remember about the party and the rest of the weekend to see if that provided any clues as to what the cause might be. In the meantime, however, they had plenty of time to speculate.

"You said that Dr. Lopez mentioned binge drinking as a possible cause. Maybe that's what did it," Tina offers after a prolonged silence.

"This isn't the first time they've been drunk before so I don't know why it would happen _**this**_ time," Kurt immediately rejects that suggestion.

"Even if it _**could**_ have caused it, what are the chances of the _**exact**_ same, super-rare affliction affecting them at once like that?" Rachel proposes rhetorically.

"Probably about the same as them both going to the dentist and being put under anesthesia then sharing the same vaguely homoerotic _Me Against the Music _Britney Spears and Madonnafantasy. Oh, wait, they _**did**_ do that," Tina deadpans with an eye roll.

"Even if we scratch binge drinking off the list that still leaves drugs," Rachel is quick to note.

"If it was drugs, I would think that there would be a lot more people around here acting out of character considering that they would have taken them at that party," Kurt argues.

"So, basically our options are narrowed down to 'head injuries' or 'just because'?" Mercedes sums up in frustration.

"Pretty much," Lauren nods.

Before anyone else has a chance to say anything else, the door to the Cheerio locker room door flies open as an irate Quinn stalks out before the door bangs against the wall and slams itself shut from the force. A split second later and the door opens again with Santana and Brittany leaving this time…and with the taller girl carrying the Latina piggyback.

"Stop acting like such a petulant _**Quinn**_fant," Brittany chuckles.

"Shut up, Brittany," Quinn snaps.

"What's going on here?" Kurt asks before things begin to escalate.

"Coach told Quinn that she's seen more hustle from a crippled three-toed sloth that she trained to interrogate suspected members of the Ganja Party in the African tundra when she was with the CIA in the 80s," Santana carelessly explains as she slides off Brittany's back, but hugs the taller girl's closest arm with both of her own, laying her head on the blonde's shoulder.

Everyone except for the three Cheerios share a baffled look. "Santana, I'm absolutely certain that no part of that sentence had any truth to it except for the fact that there's an animal called a three-toed sloth to begin with," Rachel challenges the Latina's, presumably, incorrectly quoted insult from the Cheerio coach.

"No, that's what Sue said," Quinn dejectedly agrees with Santana.

"Aw, Quinnie," Santana pouts sympathetically as she disentangles herself from a confused Brittany to envelop the shorter of the two blonde's in a loose, friendly hug. "Don't listen to Sue. She's bat-shit crazy and thinks that OJ Simpson shot JFK at the turn of the century. And also Vikings are imaginary," she goes on in an attempt to make Quinn feel better…which surprisingly works.

"Thanks San," Quinn smiles softly at the Latina as she hugs her back, wondering why they're trying to figure out how to get her back to her usual self again…before Brittany swiftly reminds her.

"Okay, that's enough of that. I see you tryin' to get all…hands-y _**Quinn**_appropriate," Brittany sneers as she stalks over to the other two Cheerios, links her pinky with Santana's and tugs the smaller girl back into her embrace.

"Possessive much?" Quinn snorts in regards to the other blonde's behavior.

"Jealous much?" Brittany mocks, crossing her arms over her chest challengingly.

"Seriously?" Kurt asks the others under his breath as he watches the scene play out incredulously. "They're fighting over…Santana? Is this really a thing that's happening?" He continues to wonder.

"Ladies! Can I have your attention please?" Rachel calls out to the trio of cheerleaders, clapping her hands to get their attention.

"What do you want _**now**_ Low Rider?" Brittany shouts at the diva.

"I would like for us to focus on the problem at hand," Rachel points out obviously.

"Don't worry, I'm sure that maybe one day you'll become a _**whole**_ person," Brittany retorts with feigned excitement, condescension seeping into every syllable.

"She's talking about getting you and Santana to act like yourselves again," Quinn nearly shouts, beyond exasperated with the entire situation.

"Funny Quinn," Santana chuckles good-naturedly.

"Maybe you guys can like, humor us or something for a few minutes?" Tina proposes shyly earning a shrug and an excited nod from Brittany and Santana, respectively.

"Ya'll on drugs?" Mercedes bluntly asks them.

Brittany rolls her eyes, the question too stupid, in her opinion, to even consider answering. Santana giggles in response, shaking her head in the negative. "Drugs are bad, mm'kay?" She jokes in a poor imitation of Mr. Mackey from _South Park_, laughing at her own corniness.

"I kind of don't know if I want to hug her or kill her," Kurt finds himself mumbling out loud as he keeps on eye on the Latina. Brittany and Quinn scowl, but the other girls nod in agreement…except Santana, who merely laughs.

"Did you guys drink anything out of the ordinary on Saturday night?" Tina then asks, ready to just move along.

"Someone told me to try Jagermeister and Red Bull, but it was _**so**_ horrible," Santana unhelpfully answers.

"So, that would be a _**no**_," Brittany answers the actual question with a huff.

"Um, what was the other one?" Tina asks quietly. "Oh! Did you hit your head or…something?" She questions as she remembers.

"Of course we didn't hit-"

"Yeah we did," Santana interrupts , all eyes suddenly on her.

"No we didn't," Brittany argues back.

"Then how do you explain this?" She asks with a smirk as she pokes a slightly raised spot on the top of the blonde's head where her hair is covering up a tender knot.

"Oww," Brittany whines, batting the tan girl's hands away as she covers the sensitive spot on her head. "Why would you just poke me?" She practically whimpers.

"Stop being such a crybaby. I have one too. Right…here," Santana winces slightly as she pokes a bump on her own head. "But see, we match. Like twins! But not actually related because that would be creepy what with all the se-"

"That's enough of that," Brittany grins as she clamps a hand over the shorter girl's mouth.

"You guys hit your heads!" Kurt exclaims, understanding that this could be what caused everything. "This is great news!" He grins when Santana nods.

"Well, not 'great' in the sense that you hit your head, but great as in 'Yay! We know what happened'," Rachel is quick to cut in so as not to let the other two girls get the wrong idea.

"What happened?" Tina asks after a moment.

Brittany and Santana share a look, the blonde simply shrugging and shaking her head at the unspoken question. "We fell in a ditch," the Latina easily replies as though it was an everyday occurrence.

Realization dawns on the dancer's face as she remembers what happened. "No, your heel broke and _**you**_ fell in a ditch," Brittany recalls with a small smile ghosting over her lips.

"And what, you just dove in after her?" Quinn quirks an eyebrow at her fellow blonde Cheerio.

"Nooo," Brittany draws out with a pointed look directed at the Latina.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pull you down with me when I grabbed your arm," Santana is quick to defend herself.

"I know, S," the other girl brushes off her apology with an easy smile.

"And I _**did**_ help you get all the leaves out of your hair and clean you up Sunday morning when we woke up," Santana reminds her.

"You guys spent the night in a ditch?" Rachel yelps.

"It's not like we _**planned**_ it or anything Thigh-High," Brittany rolls her eyes.

Quinn waves her arms wildly to hush the others, but they don't get the chance to question her about it. "Dr. Lopez, hi!" She greets the doctor with exaggerated enthusiasm, putting him on speakerphone.

"Hi Daddy!" Santana chirps in the background.

_"Hello Ladies,"_ the doctor greets them in return. _"Any news?"_ He cuts right to the chase.

"The both hit their heads," Kurt explains succinctly.

"How do we fix it? _**Can**_ we fix it? Will they still need to be scheduled for an MR-_**hmmph**_," anything else she has to say is muffled by Quinn's hand over her mouth.

_"MRIs would probably still be a good idea to see the extent of the damage and to ensure that there isn't something even more serious wrong. I can't really suggest any course of treatment until we've run those tests,"_ Dr. Lopez informs them objectively.

Lauren narrows her eyes in thought as she looks between Brittany and Santana. "If a hit to the head made 'em like this, would that, like, knock them back to normal too?" She asks after a moment.

_"Like I said, this is all mostly theoretical since we don't know exactly what causes it or what makes it stop, if anything. That's not to say that it wouldn't work, but I wouldn't recommend it for fear of doing even more serious damage,"_ the man on the other end of the line tells them sternly.

"Of course. We wouldn't-"

A loud metallic clang echoes in the hallway in the empty school followed by a low moaning. The other kids jump and/or cringe in response.

"-do anything to hurt them?" Quinn finishes, slapping her hand over her face and shaking her head in disbelief.

_"What was that?"_ The concerned doctor asks, rattled by the noise.

"Uh, Coach Sue is working on a new routine. Gotta go, I'll call you," Quinn replies in a rush, quickly hanging up…and just in time.

"Why would you do _**that**_?" A teary-eyed Santana asks as she makes her way to her groaning friend slumped down on the floor against the lockers.

"You heard the man, this might fix it," Lauren shrugs, not feeling the least bit of remorse for banging the dancer's head against the locker. "And now it's your turn."

Before anyone has a chance to blink, Lauren has a hand on the back of Santana's neck and, meeting some resistance as she goes to slam her head into the locker, she brings a hand to the girl's hair for extra leverage. A familiar _clang_ echoes down the hall once more as Lauren releases her grip in the other girl's hair.

"_**Shit**_!" Lauren shouts. "What the hell?"

"What?" Quinn asks, finally shaking herself out of her stupor. Lauren doesn't answer, instead choosing to hold up her bloodied hand. "Jesus," the blonde hisses. "What happened?"

"I gots razorblades in my hair. Tons…all up in there," the Latina grumbles irritably as she brings a hand up to her forehead.

"You were _**serious**_ about that?" Kurt asks incredulously.

"_**Totally**_. I helped her put them in this morning before school," Brittany chirps pleasantly as she goes to help the Latina up.

Santana scowls at the larger girl, leaning heavily against the blonde and murmuring, "Imma go _**all**_ Lima Heights on yo' ass Shamu. Just wait until I figure out which one of these body doubles is the real you and-"

"Of course you will 'Tana. They're all very scared of you," Brittany humors the Latina in a calming tone, Santana's head leaning on her shoulder as she leads them both towards the nurse's office.

"Am I the only one here that thinks that we might've made a mistake getting them back to normal?" Rachel inquires sheepishly. Everyone just rolls their eyes. Too little, too late.

* * *

><p>So, 'Psycho Ninja Cheerleader Warrior' Brittany was meant to have been her version of 'Lima Heights Adjacent' Santana. I forgot to mention that in the first chapter.<p>

Hopefully the explanations provided in this, no matter how medically inaccurate, were able to make this a lot less crack-y than it might otherwise have been. The next chapter will be the conclusion to this and it will take place the very next day. It likely won't be too long.

Let me know what you think if so inclined.


	3. The Aftermath

**A/N**: This is the end of the road for this story. Sorry it took so long to get up. As you may or may not have noticed, each chapter took place over the course of a single day…not that it matters or is important or anything, I just felt it was worth mentioning. This sort of shows the aftermath and offers some closure even though it's such a short final chapter.

**A/N2**: Special thanks goes out to all of you that put this on your alert and/or favorites list and especially those of you that reviewed. I hope everyone enjoys the conclusion.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: The Aftermath<strong>

**Wednesday**

"I still think it's unnecessary," Santana asserts, arms crossed over her chest and a scowl settled on her features as she leans against her closed locker to stare at the blonde.

"I know you do 'Tana, but I still feel really bad," Brittany frowns. "Besides, Lord Tubbington told me this was a good way to get rid of the rest of those candy canes sitting in my sock drawer," she adds, proud for finding a solution to _**that**_ problem, at least.

"B, those candy canes are from three months ago. Why wouldn't you throw them away or give them to Tubbs?" She asks, a faint smile playing on her lips.

Brittany sighs as she closes her locker. "Throwing them away would be wasteful and you _**know**_ peppermint gives Lord Tubbington gas," she reminds the Latina.

"Oh wow. I don't know how I could forget," Santana rolls her eyes at herself, a cold chill creeping up her spine as she recalls what happened back in 2008. "Fine, I see your point," she concedes, wondering how she's going to explain the candy canes to the others in a way they'll understand…but then she decides to not even bother.

"Yay!" The blonde dancer claps her hands with enthusiasm before unzipping her backpack. "Here, hold these," she instructs the Latina as she grabs two fistfuls of candy canes and handing them to her. "Thanks for helping me make these 'cause I don't think I could've finished them all by myself last night without you," she says gratefully as she opens up a folder and plucks out a pink pastel piece of construction paper folded in half.

"Please, please don't mention it…like, ever," Santana pleads, glancing around to make sure no one around them overheard that.

Rolling her eyes playfully, Brittany zips her backpack up again and plucks a candy cane out of Santana's arms, where she's cradling the dozen or so candy canes against her stomach. "And hold this," she tells her, forcing the shorter girl to shift all the candy canes so she can take the folder with the index and middle finger of her right hand.

"Seriously, Britts?" Santana asks as the blonde offers her a sweet smile before swiftly turning, inadvertently smacking her in the face with her ponytail, and flouncing off six lockers down.

Feeling something in the air around him shifting, Puck glances up only to find a blue frowny face on pink construction paper staring back at him, centimeters from his face. "Gah!" He yelps, jumping back a step.

"I brought you these," Brittany smiles as she thrusts the paper and candy cane at the mohawked boy.

"Thanks Britt," Puck says warily as he carefully takes the items from her. "What is it?" He asks in reference to the paper, choosing to ignore the fact that she gave him a candy cane in March.

"I made you a card," she beams proudly, sure that this will ensure that there are no hard feelings after the last couple of days. She hates hurting other people's feelings and it makes her sad having others angry with her.

Puck opens the handmade care and reads the thoughtfully printed words. _I'm sorry I said your head looks like a poorly shaved dog's ass._ He shoots the Cheerio a quizzical look. "Brittany, you _**never**_ said that," he states simply.

Giving it some thought, the blonde's face tinges red. "Oh yeah, I _**may**_ have said that in the Cheerios locker room yesterday," she chuckles sheepishly.

"Why would you-"

"No reason," Brittany cuts him off before turning and quickly walking back to the Latina. It's not her fault that a Freshman Cheerio asking Santana if she was still sleeping with Puck made her feel a little…bitter and defensive.

"All good?" Santana questions at the taller girl's approach.

"Yep," Brittany chirps. "Let's go. I want to hand out as many of these as possible before first," she smiles, taking the folder from the other girl before practically bouncing down the hall.

"The things I do for you," Santana mumbles to herself as she trails behind her.

"You love me," Brittany grins over her shoulder, waiting for her friend to catch up before placing a short kiss on her cheek. "But it's totally cool 'cause I love you too," she is sure to remind the Latina, who is now beaming back at her. "Oh! There's Kurt and Rachel," she announces, pulling out the two cards, snatching two candy canes from the other girl and thrusting her folder against Santana's chest before skipping off.

"Uh, hi Brittany," Kurt greets the blonde as he is the first to see her coming, prompting Rachel to turn around and cast an odd look towards the flustered and mildly disgruntled looking Latina standing a few feet away. The both wisely choose not to address the fact that both girls are now sporting matching band-aides on the same place on their foreheads from the lockers yesterday.

"I'm sorry," Brittany smiles as she shoves a candy cane and card in each of their faces.

Kurt can't help but smile at the crudely drawn unicorn on the front and how the inside simply reads _Sorry I was such a scary beyotch_. He writes off the candy cane as little more than a Brittany thing. "Thanks Britt-Britt," he says.

Rachel, meanwhile, is still reading hers…the inside of her card covers both pages. The blonde apparently realized that she had a lot to apologize for over the course of the last two days. _…I'm sorry I called you 'Hymen'…I'm sorry I threatened to flush you down the toilet…And I'm sorry I spit in your dairy-free soy ice cream when you weren't looking. _The list just went on. "Yeah, thank you Brittany," she offers a weak smile, her head spinning from everything she's reading.

Before Brittany can say anything else, the bell rings to signal they only have five minutes before they get to their first class. "Oh, boo," the blonde frowns, turning to take her folder back from Santana and grab her arm to drag her with her down the hall.

"Slow down B, I'm going to drop the candy – _**oomph**_!" Santana grunts as she runs into the taller girl's back, effectively crushing several of the candy canes.

"Here Finn, I made this for you," the blonde says quickly as she hands him a freshly broken candy cane before taking Santana's arm again and flying down the hall.

The Cheerios make it down the hall and around the corner before the baffled quarterback even opens his card. _I'm sorry I suggested that we chop down your freakishly large body to use for firewood._

* * *

><p><strong>Later<strong>

Shutting her locker, Santana jumps back and gasps when she is immediately confronted with a Big Gulp.

"I gotcha something," a sweet voice announces from behind the cup, sounding very pleased with herself.

"What?" The brunette questions with furrowed brows.

"Your favorite flavor," Brittany grins as she shakes the cup for emphasis, prompting the Latina to take it from her.

"You got me a slushy?" Santana asks in confusion.

"Yeah, blue raspberry," Brittany confirms, her smile never faltering, not even upon seeing the perplexed look on the shorter girl's face. "You said the grape and cherry ones taste like cough medicine and the Pepsi slushy was an ejaculation," Brittany explains with a nonchalant shrug.

Looking up abruptly, the brunette shoots an incredulous look to the girl beside her before her expression softens into one of understanding. "You mean an '_**abomination**_', right Britts?" She hopes to clarify, earning a noncommittal shrug in response. "Why did you get me a slushy?" She then wonders, knowing how much Brittany hates it when she throws them on the losers at this school. When Brittany's phone vibrates and she pulls it out to glance at the screen, Santana thinks nothing of it.

"It's for you to _**drink**_ 'Tana," the blonde giggles as she hooks her pinky with her counterpart's and begins to lead the way down the hall.

"You _**know**_ I can't B. There's, like, 1800 calories in just _**half**_ of this and we're on that new diet that Sue…" the Latina trails off when Brittany shoots her a stern look over her shoulder. "Fine," she groans in acceptance before sticking the straw in her mouth and sucking up the flavored frozen sweetness. "Mmm, thanks Britt," she hums in contentment.

"Welcome," Brittany chirps, infinitely pleased that Santana is enjoying her treat.

"Why are there two slushies?" Santana asks after a moment of being led around the school as she notices the blonde holding another Big Gulp.

"This one's for me," is the simple enough answer.

"But you don't like slushies, you think they're too sweet," Santana points out. Brittany merely offers a cryptic smile in response as she brings them to a stop outside of the boys' locker room.

A few boys from the football team trickle into the hallway from the locker room, having used their free period to do some weight training. One of the last to leave is Mike, who winks at Brittany and shares a sly smile with her. Seeing this, Santana snaps her head towards the blonde, trying to pull her pinky from the other girl's, but Brittany holds tight.

"What the _**hell**_ was-" Santana's rage (and jealousy)-fueled rant is cut off when Brittany turns to her, a mischievous shine in her eyes and an uncharacteristic smirk that can only be described as sadistic. The Latina is understandably startled into silence.

The door to the locker room opens again and the last of the football players steps into the hall. "Azimio," Brittany beckons him to come closer with the tone in her voice. He approaches with a cocky smirk…which is immediately wiped away by the deep purple sludge running down his face and drenching his clothing and shoes. "You should totally start keeping your eyes to yourself from now on," she informs him matter-of-factly with a stern nod at the end before dropping the cup at his feet and pulling an amused and complacent brunette behind her by their still joined pinkies.

"What just happened?" Santana laughs as they turn a corner.

Brittany's face blushes pink. "I didn't like the way he was looking at you during gym," she confesses.

"Oh?" Santana urges her to continue with an arched eyebrow, her lips twitching as she fights off a grin.

"He kept staring at your butt during volleyball…you were wearing _**those**_ shorts," the blonde says by way of explanation, knowing that the other girl will know that she's talking about those small, short black shorts that drive her absolutely.

"Brittany!" Santana exclaims with a feigned admonishing tone. "By the sounds of it, you were having a hard time taking _**your**_ eyes off my ass too," she playfully accuses, not able to keep the flirtatious tone out of her voice.

"Of course I was," Brittany chuckles like it's the most obvious thing in the world before turning serious. "Besides…" she trails off in a low voice as she leans closer to the Latina, reveling in her heavy breathing as she manages to pull her pinky free from the distracted girl's "…your ass _**is**_ mine, after all," she grins, using her newly freed hand to land a firm, but not hard, slap to ass in question.

This results in Santana releasing an uncharacteristic yelp as she jumps nearly a foot in the air at the unexpected contact and almost drops her slushy when bringing her free hand to the affected cheek. "_**Britt**_!" She squeals, her voice sounding more than just a _**little**_ high-pitched.

Standing in front of Santana, Brittany simply smiles innocently before lightly bopping her on the nose. "Boop," she giggles before swiftly turning around to skip down the hallway, leaving a flustered Santana in her wake.

* * *

><p><strong>Choir Room<strong>

"You're joking, right?" Santana scoffs incredulously, slurping at the dregs of what remains of her slushy.

"Seriously Santana, after the last two days, you are no longer allowed to question what makes sense or not anymore," Quinn asserts, the others murmuring their agreement. She's relieved when the others continue their discussion about the assignment and no one thinks to ask why she's not sitting in her usual spot beside Santana in the back with Brittany. Quite frankly , Quinn's been a little afraid of Brittany since the blonde gave her a handmade card during lunch. _Sorry you're not Cheerio Captain anymore. Sorry I called you those names and got super-jealous and stuff when you touched or hugged Santana._ Though not so bad on its own, there was a line of writing at the bottom in parentheses: _(But no, seriously, 'Tana's mine so hands off before you lose them.)_

"Who's dumbass idea _**was**_ it to do a mash-up of Korn and the Spice Girls in the first place?" Santana barks, ignoring the tug to her pinky as everyone stares back at her in disbelief.

"_**Thank you**_!" Rachel exclaims, glad that someone feels the same about the idea as she does.

"San, it was _**your**_ idea, remember?" Brittany is quick to point out.

The Latina snorts her disbelief as she sets her empty cup under her seat. "As if."

"It was on Monday when you and Britt were acting all bizarro," Puck prompts in hopes of jogging her memory.

"I don't recall that," she maintains her poker face, choosing to study her nails to determine how desperately she needed a manicure.

"Come on 'Tana, you gotta remember 'cause _**I**_ remember everything. And we even talked about your Korn/Spice Girls idea a while ago," Brittany reveals, all eyes now on Santana.

"Never happened," the Latina replies, sound far less confident than she had moments ago. "Maybe Lauren slammed my head against that locker yesterday hard enough to affect my memory," she accuses the larger girl.

Lauren simply smirks down at the other girl. "So, you _**do**_ remember something then?" She points out, not missing the fact that the Latina remembered the lockers. Seeing the bandages on her right hand immediately brings her back to the incident as well as the card Brittany made for her. _Sorry I gave you a black eye and threatened to maim you and calling you names…and also San's hair slicing your hand._

"Whatever," Santana grumbles petulantly, unable to keep up the scowl in the face of Brittany's contagious smile. "Are we doing this or not?"

"Unless anyone has any better ideas," Will looks around the room for any raised hands…other than Rachel's. "Okay then!" He claps enthusiastically. "Let's get to work on some choreography," he instructs, ready to see this come together.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

It doesn't take long for the room to empty out once they finish their first day of working on this mash-up. Artie glances up from the green card on his lap, surprised to find that he's not alone after all as Brittany and Santana stand in front of him, pinkies still linked.

"Did you read it yet?" Brittany asks her former boyfriend, nervously biting her lower lip as she waits for his answer.

Artie thinks to the straightforward words inside: _Sorry I was rude and broke up with you the way I did._ "Yeah," he nods, comforted somewhat by the way her body relaxes with relief.

"Good," she smiles slightly.

Glancing at the awkward and uncharacteristically quiet Latina beside the blonde, Artie turns his attention back to the taller girl. "So, we're still together, right?" He tries to confirm his interpretation of her words with a confident smile.

"Sorry Artie, but no," Brittany shakes her head.

"What? Why not?" He practically demands, looking back and forth between the two girls for an answer.

Santana and Brittany share a look before Brittany speaks. "Santana and I were talking last night and we decided that we're a couple now," she informs him, unable to keep the smile off her face.

"Like, we're _**official**_ now," Santana confirms with a grin of her own which is, surprisingly, a grin of happiness rather than gloating.

Brittany giggles at her girlfriend's words. "Yeah, we totally made it _**official**_ three times last night," she elaborates. "After we had our first date in the bathtub though, of course," she is sure to add.

"Of course," Santana repeats with a nod of agreement.

"Of course," Artie echoes to himself, unable to get the image out of his head, his voice reminding them that they're not alone.

"I hope you understand and you don't hate me," Brittany bites her bottom lip again, afraid of upsetting the other boy.

"No Britt, I don't hate you," Artie shakes his head sincerely. "I'm happy for you…_**both**_ of you," he says, surprising all three of them when he realizes that he genuinely means it, unable to deny that he always knew the two girls had the chemistry that he and the blonde never did.

"Thanks Artie," Santana nods, directing a soft smile at the boy before releasing her girlfriend's pinky, much to the blonde's confusion, before instead taking her hand in hers and lacing all their fingers together.

Brittany beams at the Latina. "I _**wantz**_ to get all up on dem toes," she playfully mocks as she pulls Santana from the room, earning a hearty laugh from the smaller girl.

* * *

><p>Yes, I simply <em><strong>had<strong>_ to revisit the mash-up from the first chapter and it somehow just felt right to end this with a reference to Santana's thing about having her toes sucked (which I think is a good enough weird kink to equal Britt's thing with her armpits). I also thought it was appropriate to have them maintain some aspects of when they were under the influence of their head injury rather than going back to _**exactly**_ how they were (jealous Brittany is always fun to write, no matter how mild).

Feedback is always welcome. I want to know how you liked my second complete _Glee_ story /first complete _Glee_ multi-chapter story. So, if you like, feel free to tell me what you think.

For those of you reading _Within You Without You_, the next chapter will be up by first thing tomorrow, but fair warning it's pretty short compared to the chapters before it.


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